Sometimes I wonder why I bother....

So I just got an IM from a friend that was about 6 hours old. Meaning that whilst I was being a good girl and exercising at the Y, I was being paged by a guy who makes my liver turn over. And no guarantees when it might happen again. Joy. I mean, I can call him myself and we can talk, but I still find myself wondering if I'm bugging him or not, or even what he might be thinking.
Trouble is, I'm not so sure it would be such a great idea to *ask* him what he's thinking! Dammit, this is why I don't go out with chicks!

I can't say that I love him or anything, but anytime I think about talking to him, I just get this swimmy feeling in the pit of my stomach. My hands shake and I can't breathe and it's just really stupid. And on top of all that, Michael has figured out that I might be interested in something/-one other than him, so of course he's all interested in me again! And I am finding myself increasingly bored with him. We have the same conversations over and over again, and it just isn't tripping my trigger anymore. I dunno, maybe if he were more educated and had fewer emotional hangups I'd be more inclined to try with him. Oh well. Will write more later, I guess.

Another blast from the past...

So the 17-year-old girl inside of me is totally going "squeee!" right now. I mean, I'm finding it hard to sleep or eat or do much of anything else useful. It's been a few days, but I got email from the one guy I wish I had kissed when I was a teenager. We met in junior high, when we shared a couple of classes and some extracurricular activities. I didn't really realize that I liked him until I spent all of the 8th grade sitting next to him in English class. He didn't much care for that class at the time, I think, cuz his dad was the teacher. I ended up bonding with his dad though, and rank him as the teacher who had the most effect on me ever. He was very cool.

So flash forward to me being in high school on the Navajo Nation, but still going back home to Kansas during every break that my dad and I had from school...I always talked to Bill (former teacher) during each of those breaks. But the summer after junior year, I decided that I wanted to go visit Bill and meet his Irish Setter, and catch up with Trey again. I still remember the moment that we locked eyes in his parents' living room. The universe just stopped and we were the only two people in it who mattered. So after hanging out with Trey's folks for about 15 minutes, I excused myself as politely as possible to go hang with Trey in his room -- with the door closed! I would never have gotten away with that if it had been the two of us in *my* bedroom. *snicker* Long story short, there was good conversation and an even better massage, but no lip action. Dammit. We even wrote letters to each other during senior year. But alas, my next rendevous with him was as a guest at his wedding. That sucked.

Finally, I decided a couple of months ago to pull my head out of my butt and not let these folks just fade into my memory. So I called up Bill again and we talked and it was a lot of fun. From him I found out that Trey is no longer attached. And then about 6 weeks later, I get email from Trey. With a phone number. My hands shook and my heart pounded and I called him, and we've talked a couple of times now. I wish he wasn't so damned bitter about women, but he's come by it honestly. Now I know how I sound about men! :D So now I have a real motivation for improving my health, amazingly enough. Much as I like Michael, he doesn't make my liver turn over the way Trey does. The man is educated and urbane and witty and dry......and I have never lived with him, so he could be a real jerk and I just don't know it! *tries to be realistic despite hormones*

So I'm gonna see if he's around tomorrow, cuz just the sound of his voice on voicemail turns me into a puddle of goo on the floor. I'm pathetic, I know, but this feeling is amazing and whoever can bottle it without nasty side effects will be very rich.

Kinda freaking out here...

I have an interview in the morning with a lady who my placement officer has assured me is very sweet and nice. I've even talked to her and confirmed the assessment, but I'm still nervous. "Nervous...as I can be!" as Taylor said in his audition. (Cuz I can't just let the Taylor love go without saying, now...) *snicker* I was at least smart enough to update and tweak my resume last week, so I only have to print out some copies tomorrow before I go. That helps. However, it doesn't make me any less whacked out. I mean, this woman knows someone who has an opening! I need a job! Eeeeeee!!!

Oh well, at least things are going well on the ground personally. I have decent internet access now, and heard from a friend I haven't talked to since we were in high school! He's the only romantic regret I have. I really wish I'd pushed a little harder and gotten him to kiss me. Oh well. The conversation we had this evening was quite a roller coaster, emotionally. I'm finding myself angry on his behalf at a woman I don't even know! Yeesh.... Anyway, I gotta quit now and go to bed so I'm up for my interview in the morning.

Another commercial...

...for my new ISP. I don't love Comcast as a company, but I do love that I now have broadband Internet instead of pokey ol' dialup. I have spent the better part of the night just watching tons and tons of video clips on Go Fish that have up to this point been out of my league. I re-watched many of my favorite American Idol performances from this past season, cuz I'm obssessed like that. (Psst, Taylor, I can learn how to cook soul food! The Pacific Northwest is so quiet and pretty, you can come hang with me anytime...)

Anyway, now that I'm done giving out more free publicity to people who'll never see it, I'm off to bed! I have to be up in the morning to pay some bills, get hair and nails done, pay my rent, run some errands, that sort of thing. Heck, I think I may actually be productive tomorrow! What a concept....