I am so bad at keeping up with journaling. This may be why I can't get the really cathartic benefits of writing....I don't freekin' do it often enough! Anyway, I have come back again cuz some really interesting shite has been happening in my life lately.
For one thing, Allen is on summer break. Oh joy. A kid who is as easily bored as he is can be a real challenge to make happy. I'm working to make him entertain himself. This is sort of working, and sort of not. I will get stronger in this respect.
Oh, and then there's this buddy of mine who just decided to pop up again in the last two weeks. Whee! Anton and I have known each other since I was 19....he introduced me to my wonderful
ex-husband. I finally got an answer from him on that front, and I'm more satisfied than I thought I'd be with them. Then there's the bit about me still thinking that he's sexy as all hell and wishing that I could kiss him, just once. This wouldn't be a problem, except that Michael has decided that he wants us to be exclusive. You know, keep our own spaces, but not see anyone except each other. (dangit!)
Why couldn't he decide this, like, 6 months from now? (whine, whine...) I really do want to be free to pursue a couple of things with Anton, but Michael has made it crystal clear that if I am sexual with Anton, the door will close between Michael and me. He also made it clear that he is really afraid of losing me to Anton. I don't think so, pookie! I know all too well the sort of cloth from which Mr. Vogt is cut, and while I find him extremely easy on the eyes (and my imagination!) I couldn't be permanently involved with him except as a friend. It's just that I'd give my eyeteeth to shag him real well a few times and call it good! :D
Oh, and then there's the email I got from Alan recently....claiming depression, and asking if it was too presumptuous to assume that I might want to talk to him again when he's ready. I dunno if I can answer that one yet. I miss the late night talks about The Simpsons and politics, but I dread that he will want more. And I really think the way he just blew me off after the lunch date was really uncool.
And then there's the fact that I'm still kinda looking to try out this girl thing....arrgh! Guess I need to quit being so pathetique and just concentrate on school for a bit. Think I'll do that, in fact. I also need to call and get another appointment with my shrink. *sigh* Shall post again soon -- and this time I mean it!
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