What to say when there aren't any words...

Tonight hasn't been horrible or anything. In fact, I watched the encore presentation of the Apple iPad announcement tonight with my son. It was pretty cool, and I now have another gadget to covet. *sigh* Last night I was with Jordan, curled up in bed with him while we ate amazing Thai food and watched the State of the Union address. I really enjoyed watching my guy with my *guy*, and then laughing through American Idol, and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.... (why didn't someone turn me on to that sooner?!)

I went home relatively early last night with my Sesame Street Bedtime Storybook from Powell's, and actually got my dad to read me my favorite of the stories from when I was 5. *hee!* Then I talked to Jordan after his X-ray and poor busted toesie....

....and now tonight I have no Jordan. Dammit. I talked to him for about 5 minutes tonight after work, but the poor guy was so beat after not sleeping last night that he just collapsed into bed around 7 and hasn't been around since. It sucks. But who is around, you may ask? Michael. He tells me that he thinks we could still be friends, but when I talked to him last he couldn't understand why I was telling him about Jordan. Oh, and thinking I would be jealous of his new girlfriend. Of course, I wouldn't be human if I didn't acknowledge that I miss the sex once in awhile. That said, I don't miss it enough to ever put up with his crap again. I also don't miss that it was so infrequent and one more thing that we fought about.

What I really miss is a chance to fall asleep in the arms of someone who cares for me. Me, for myself, not what they want me to be. Not who they think I am when I'm really someone else but they can't see it. I think Jordan may actually be that someone, and I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck it up that sometimes it makes me nauseous. And this Sunday he's gonna meet my dad and my son. I laughed it up a bit on my Facebook page, but this really has me kinda spooked. I mean, those two can be a handful for their own separate reasons even for me, let alone a perfect stranger!

Anyway, I'm just bummed out right now that I have no one to talk to and it's late and my schedule is all up in the air and....*sigh* God, I must sound so whiny and bitchy. I'm getting spoiled now with Jordan, and used to having my own way. He's so sweet and accommodating to me, and I have my only-child "me me me" tendencies anyhow....

So for now I'm gonna go to bed and console myself that tomorrow is Friday and I have the weekend off, and so far my schedule for next week appears unchanged. Hopefully car show date will still be on for Saturday. I need my fix!